I Miss My Dad

Dear Dad, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as the eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

Daddy I wrote you a poem:

When you were here I couldn't say
All the things I wanted to
All the things I'll say today
May they float right up to you

May I say first and foremost
that I love you oh so dear
and even though you're in a better place
I still wish you were here.

All the memories come flooding back
and I cannot stop the tears
All the memories come flooding back
good and bad from all the years

I cannot help but feel at times
guilt for all the things I've said
but I always did really love you
so please rest your tired head

Know that I was listenin'
all the times you wanted to talk
and I cared so much about you
though it may not have come across

There were times when I needed you
and you were there for me
no matter what the problem
you'd sit me on your knee

and say,"Cindi it's alright,
you don't even need to worry,
God's watching you each night,
and I'll be there in a hurry

Well now God's watching you dad
since he came to take you home
know that we all loved you
and you were never alone

I'll watch for you everyday
in each and every way
and I hope in some small way
that I can make you proud

You meant so much to me
it just took this to realize
how strong you made me be
my love for you will never die

So daddy, know you'll be sorely missed,
even though you are now free
so we send up this sweet kiss
til together we all may be.


My daddy died on November 2nd 2001. It's been a little over a week now and every day scares me. He had a disease called Alpha 1 AntiTrypsin Deficiency. It is a disease that left him with only 10% of his lung capacity left. He had been that bad for about ten years. He had to be on oxygen at all times, but he still managed to make it to church almost every sunday. He went into surgery on October 12th to try and fix a hernia he had gotten earlier in life. He pulled out of the surgery alright but as the days wore on, he just got weaker and weaker. He couldn't even walk on his own. It was so hard to go and visit him but when I did I held his hand and told him I loved him. I really didn't expect him to die. After a while he got moved to a nursing home for rehabilitation. On his first day of getting up he went to sleep that night and died of a heart attack between 3 and 4:00am. I sometimes feel so bad that he had to die alone. He never deserved that. Despite how often I argued with him I told him I loved him last time I saw him. And I really do. I always will. I am 17 years old and a senior in Highschool. It hurts me so much to know that he will never see so many things in my life. Me graduating, going off to college, getting married. He didn't even get to age 50. He would have been 50 on December 2nd 2001. There is not a minute that goes by that I don't think of him. And how hard he fought to stay here for us. I survive only by my sister, Laurie, my mom, and her best friend who has helped us more then she knows. Only with them can I get thru this. My heart aches to have him here again. But I am glad he's not hurting anymore. He's where he wanted to be. The nurse said that he asked god to "please take me home." Well dad, you got your wish. I love you so much and I hope I will see you when I get there.
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