Hi Dad, It has been sixteen weekends since you left and time continues going forward and I am still stuck on that day when my life lost a part of its meaning. I am trying to find activity with a purpose that will serve as a positive and productive one. Still though the very fact that you are now only a memory I carry with me everywhere I go seems impossible to accept. I wish that there were more people out there who would truly feel the feelings of loss through your passing. Now I get ,"oh I am sorry for your loss." People mean well but their sorries are empty. They don't want to know the man that this world has lost the pleasure of having. They don't know how much less funny this world seems without you. Sometimes I go to pick up the phone to call you just to see how your day is going. I get as far as picking up the phone and then I remember..wait he's dead. I was doing okay for a little while there. After those planes crashed into the trade center I almost felt silly for being sad over your passing with all the suffering the families of the victims from the trade center attack must be feeling. For the most part of September and October there were people in grief everywhere I went. It was easy to blend into the crowd. I didn't feel like I should have to cover up my tears. I was almost glad you had your own death date rather than that of 9/11/01. I thought you were fortunate not to have known the violence that occured that day. I know so many people who just barely made it out of those buildings alive. I have seen funerals every weekend occuring for all those poor people. Children who don't have their daddies and mommies. Husbands and wives whose spouses won't be coming home again. It was a very sad and scary time. Now the numbness has settled in. People try to go on as normal as they can. They try so hard to appear okay. Then here I am feeling sad because my father died. I was lucky enough to have had 28 years of time with you. I think that the fact Thanksgiving is in a few days and Christmas will be here soon it is a time I would have been able to see you or at least tell you how much you meant to me. We were always like that at the holiday times. Since it is the first time I haven't had you here I guess it is just harder now than it has been for a little while.I can still smell your sent on your baseball cap...but it is fading. I dread the day I can't smell your scent. Basically dad you were a great freind and father to me and I really miss you so very much. I just want a hug today.I am a mess. The children ask about you and recall their Popa Lou. Sometimes we laugh and on days like today we cry. If you were here you would tell us it's okay don't be sad. I am always with you. Well Thank You for letting me get this off of my heavy hearted self. Please hug all those people who are now in your company up in heaven and I will hug those here left to carry on. Until we see each other again please know that I love you always. Love Your daughter....Joy

I Miss My Dad

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