This is a wonderful site for my dad. He would like this site. Thank You. Anyone can be a father-but I had a wonderful dad! I miss my dad terribly. He died in Oct. '96 of a heart attack. He had colon cancer and it spread. He only lived 6 months after being diagnosed. My dad was such a fighter, he was going to beat this cancer he told my mom. Its hard to see a determined 250 pound man go down to a 100 or so pounds in just a few months. I miss my dad so much. I hate myself for not being with him as often as I should have. The day before he died-I just couldnt be in the room seeing him slowly dying. That wasnt my dad, my dad was full of life. He wanted so much for me even when I didnt want it myself. I cry and ask him, "why didnt you fight harder dammit?" But he did, so hard. Like my mom said we dont know what its like or how it feels. My God it's a disease that literally eats you away and you're feeling it. I love you so much Dad and I miss you like crazy! I used to be afraid of death-but Im not anymore. I actually look forward to it so that I can be with you again like we used to be. But I ask-why did you have to smoke? And why couldnt you have gotten regular checkups when you noticed you were bleeding from your colon. Thats the first sign-my god! Im mad and Im hurt Dad. I keep saying why, why why? We all miss you so much-especially the holidays. They're hard. Sitting at the table for Thanksgiving and you're not there. I keep waiting for you to come through the front door and saying IM HERE! But thats not going to happen is it? I cant let go of you daddy. So many things are going good for me now in my life that I want you to see. As I write this e-mail, I am full of tears and sorrow. I guess cause I cannot forgive myself for not being there enough for you dad. I should have been. But I didn't want to accept that you were dying in front mf my eyes. It was too much. I know you forgive me. But when am I going to forgive myself? Mom and I have gotten closer. We do alot together. She missed you too-we comfort each other. She is alot stronger than I am. I will forever hate Oct. 19th, 1996. Thats the day cancer took you away from the people who deeply loved you. I will be in your arms again one day Dad, I promise. I love you with all of my heart and soul. I miss you terribly, I know you know that. Dad's know everything, right? Right! Dad...I quit smoking Jan. 1, 2001. For 2 reasons: #1. Its not good for my injured back or my health. #2. It took you away from me just when I needed you most in my life. Dad, I love you. Im glad I told you these words as often as I could. And hearing you say those words back to me meant so much. I love you daddy. Love, daddy's little girl-stephanie

I Miss My Dad

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