Dad, words cannot express the way that I feel now that you are no longer alive. I love you more than I ever told you. I wish we'd got our relationship back on track again, at least we were both willing. You must know how much I love you. I wish that I could only see you one more time. You are forever in my dreams, my thoughts, my mind. Take care of yourself, and of mum here on earth if you can. I love you dad. I'll always be yours.

I Miss My Dad

Hey, Dad! God, I miss walking into the house and saying that to you like I did for 40 years. And I miss so much hearing you say "Hey, Babe". I can't believe you died from lung cancer. I mean, you quit smoking longer ago than I did. You quit 20 years ago. I was so mad at you (or somebody) because after I sat with you for days, watching you breathe, holding your wrist, feeling for a pulse when it got so weak. What did you do, you waited to leave until I left the room to go to the bathroom. I wanted to be with you at the last moment. I always thought that if someone really close to me died that somehow they would still feel their presence. And Dad I'm so dissapointed because I don't. When I'm at your house, I try to pretend that you are downstairs in your den. I used to love life so much, but now the reality of death makes me feel like I'm just killing time until it's my turn. My health has gotten so bad over the past year. My hair is falling out, I feel achy and tired so much of the time, my throat hurts so bad that I can't stand it sometimes. I'm so afraid. I believe in God and I want to trust Jesus, but I just feel so lost and so angry so much of the time. Mom is lost without you. I never thought you or Mom would die. Sickness and dying only happens to other people, other families. But, now I know the truth. You're gone and I miss you and the way things were. I miss you being grouchy and I miss you making jokes. Those last few months after you had your stroke were so hard. God, why do some people have to suffer so much. I prayed for God to heal you and I tried to have faith that he would. But it's not for me to try to understand God's way. I'm just so scared and so angry and so sad so much of the time. I love you Dad and I wish I could feel your presence here with me. I wish I could really talk to you again and you could talk to me. Will I ever really see you again. Please say yes. I love you.

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