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I Miss My Dad

Dear Daddy, It's been 6 months now that you have been gone. I miss you so much it's a pain way deep down inside my soul that words cannot express. I love you dad. I miss your smiling face. I miss your lectures and your voice. Sometimes when the phone rings I pretend it's you. I can still feel your warm hands in mine and imagine you wiping my tears away when I cry. I can feel you stroke my hair back and say, "T'aadoo nichahi". I read your bible everyday. I love the way you highlighted your scriptures and made notes to yourself in your bible. It's as if you are telling me what I need to read. I read over those and know what you were reading and memorized them. I even tried to sing your favorite song you wrote on a piece of old paper, "Hold to God's Unchanging Hand" and "How beautiful Heaven must be." Dad, I know that's where you are now. I've had dreams about you. You look so handsome, smiling....I miss you so much. I'm trying to practice my Navajo literature. It's hard sometimes because I can't ask you how to pronounce some words. Even though you only made it to ninth grade, you accomplished what you put your mind to. I am proud of you dad. I was never ashamed of you. I'm still upset that you are gone. I wish you never drank for so many years, for so long. I hate alcohol. I will never touch a drop again because that's what killed you. I know. I wish you would have stopped long ago. Mom is very sad and lonely. She doesn't know what to do with herself. I'm afraid to say anything to her. I don't know how to comfort her. She is lost without you. I wish I could take the pain away. She has withdrawn herself from us. Everyone is upset and hurt. Please talk to her and tell her she is wrong for doing that. We love her and sometimes it can be hard to love her when she puts up a wall. You know all about that. I take out your pictures a lot and stare at them. I look at the last ones we took together and you never told us you were so sick. I feel guilty because the last time I talked to you on Thanksgiving you were drunk. I shouldn't have been mad at you. I should have just loved you, Unconditionally. I wish I could turn back time. I wanted you to talk to me before you died. At least just to say I love you and to hear you say you love me too. I miss you daddy. Love, Bean

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