I Miss My Dad
In two days you'll have been gone six weeks. It still doesn't seem real.
Every time the phone rings there's a brief, irrational moment when I think
"that'll be Dad". It never is. And each inevitable disappointment seems to
hurt as much as the last.
A few weeks before you died you said of your three children I was the one
you worried about the most. Because we were soulmates, you and I, and you
were afraid your death would leave a gaping hole in my life. As we sat
together on the couch, tears running down our faces, I tried to reassure
you that I would be alright. I was tough, I would get through it.
And now Dad, I'm trying to make that promise true. But it's very hard. I
never knew I could hurt this much! I miss your advice. I miss discussing a
favourite book and sharing silly, random thoughts with you. I miss our
passionate dinnertable discussions about your work, mine, family history,
future plans,the current state of the government - anything and everything.
I miss the way you'd always hug me when I walked in the door for a visit,
it didn't matter whether it had been a week or a day since you'd seen me
last. I miss your support and your unfailing belief in my abilities. I miss
your commonsense, ethical, practical approach to life. I miss your love.
The gaping hole you dreaded is all too real.
I will keep going Dad. I'll look after Mum but I won't give up my own life
to do it. I know you were afraid that I would. I'll finish nursing school
(or at least give it my best shot). I'll try and live my life to the
fullest. It won't be easy without you, but I'll try and draw strength from
the belief that you're still with us in spirit. You've gone on ahead in a
journey we'll all take and I know you'll wait for all of us.
Dad - you were my mentor and my best friend. I will never stop loving you
or missing you. All my love forever.
Deb
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