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I Miss My Dad

hey dad,
i know i already wrote you a long letter that i had mom stick into your jacket pocket at your wake, but i figured i'd write you another. sarah is really upset that you're gone though she won't admit it. being only six it's affecting her so much. you were the one that raised her while mom worked. i'm sorry i haven't been to the cemetary lately to visit you. school and all the college applications and things are majorly taking up my time. dad, what i'd really like to say is that i'm sorry i couldn't see you one last time. you were on nantucket when you got sick and you were in boston when you had your heart attack and died. you were all alone in the hospital when you died at 1:40 am. on august 17. i wish we could have been there to talk to you one last time. i am so lucky that i was the last person of our family ever to talk to you.
i'm sorry that i haven't cried over you dying yet. i'm seventeen years old, my dad unexpectedly died a little over a month ago, and i dont cry about the situation. i still can't figure out why. please don't think that its not because i love you. i do love you and for once i'm not afraid to say it.
i don't believe that your dead. basically i think you are coming back, i think that's why i'm not crying. i didn't go into the wake and see you, your name isn't on the grave yet. when people call for you, i still say "he's not here right now, can i take a message?" eventually it'll slap me in the face, the fact that you're not coming home ever again. the fact that you won't give your opinions on what college i should go to or what guy i should marry. the fact that i'll be walking down the aisle by myself when i get married.
i'm sorry that i was mean to you over the past year. please disregard the past year. i gave you alot of trouble and i'm sorry. i love you very much. please send a few strokes of luck my way, i could really use some in the guy department. ;-) thanks daddy-o. say hi to grandpa for me!
love,
me

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