I Miss My Dad
Hey Dad, I know we werent much on being open with our feelings but we knew we loved each other. I feel totally lost without you. There are no more weekly phone calls, No jokes no laughs. I cant get past a day without thinking of you and crying and its been a little over 5 months. I feel a black hole in my heart. I miss you so much, I just want one day, one hour, one minute. I wish I was there or came home early, I wish you would of gone to another hospital, one that would of followed procedures, maybe you would of had a fighting chance. I wish you wouldnt of eaten what you ate that made you sick, I wish the hospital would of listened when you told them it wasnt your heart. I wish they wouldnt of made you lay down causing you to lose conciousness, I wish I was there to hold your hand. My baby will never get to know her grandpa or how much he loved her. My oldest daughter misses the only grandpa she had in her life. When they pulled the plug I had no say in it, I wanted to be with you when you past. The plane wasnt fast enough. You were gone and I didnt say goodbye. I feel so much anger so much sadness so much loss. So if you read this somehow heaven has email...know that i miss you and love you and nothing will ever come close to making me get over this loss. I know i will someday be able to live with it and I know you would want me to be more happy now. But its not possible without you here to talk to, to share secrets and i miss having that someone I could vent about mom about. I hope you are somewhere nice and I hope you can see your grandkids. I try and believe you are watching over my daughters. Please God let that be. Love hugs and kisses, I just want to reach out and ruffle the few hairs on top of your head. i miss you dad. love tina Bethany
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