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I Miss My Dad

OK so here it is Dad. It is 2 years April (6th 2001) since you thought you had a cold and we found out you had advanced liver, spleen, lung and bone cancer, and almost 2 years since you went to the great bear (April 26th). Man you were strong! I know you did not have to suffer as long as some other cancer victims. I know you had a good life. I know you courageously accepted that you were going to die. You did not even bat an eyelash or have a pity party when they said 6 weeks. You were strong which made me feel strong enough to help you through it. But the thing is...I feel guilty dad. I just let you die and I did not even put up a fight. And sometimes I am mad that you did not put up a fight. I know you are saying there was nothing anyone...not even God could have done to sustain your life. I found you as an adult and got to spend 5 really cool years with you and I did not want you to go! You were the greatest dad. Fishing, camping, cleaning around your yard, you making us weekend dinners, did you know you made politics understandable and now they are confusing again. I loved the way you called me "my dear" I miss calling you. I miss asking you stupid questions. I miss your big hands and your arms around me. I love you and I will write you again soon! Love your daughter Justin

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