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I Miss My Dad

I miss my dad so much. I thought that I could handle it. I thought that I could be strong. But I find myself breaking down a lot. We were so close. I was not expecting him to die. He left me and I'm hurt. I wish that I could have him back with all my heart, but I know that it was his time. I don't like it though. Everyday I wish that I could have one more day or one more hour or just one more minute. I wish that I would have said one last thing in those final moments at the hospital. Maybe he would have heard me. Maybe he would have hung on. Maybe he would have come back to me. I feel that our time together was too short. I thought we would have had so much more time together. 50 is way too young. it is like a bad dream or something where he's gone on a long trip and he's not ever coming back. I miss him so much. I'm not just sad. I'm angry. I find myself being half angry at him for leaving me and not taking better care of himself and half angry at God for taking him so soon. I know that I should not be that way, but it is hard. I have so many emotions pouring out of me and I feel that I am too tough or that I have to display a certain amount of tough-ness where I can't talk to anyone about it or share it with anyone. If I could say anything to my dad I would say: Dad I love you and I miss you. I wish that you were here with me now and I hope that you always watch over me. We shared a lot together and I can't wait to see you in Heaven. I wish you were around to play with Warren. He misses you very much. We all miss you!

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