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I Miss My Dad

Hey Daddy.

I just wanted to tell you that I'm missing you. It's been 4 months since you left and almost 2 years since my brother left this Earth and I can't stop thinking about either of you. It seems that when Alvin left, life for you, me, and Momma started to fall apart. Both of our dogs died, you kicked me out of the house, I moved 4 hours away and refused to come back, and then Momma couldn't handle the pain of everything going on and went to live in the nursing home and you were left all alone. I felt guilty for not coming back to you, but I had to go on with my life.

You gained a son-in-law when I got married and then shortly after, gained your first grandchild... a baby girl. She always made you smile! I came to town to see you April 5th and before I could reach you, I got a call saying that you had already passed. I was so mad at myself for not getting to you sooner. I wanted to bring Mikayla to show you she started walking. I wanted to talk to you, see how you were feeling... you had been in and out of the hospital during the last 2 months of your life and it seemed that you would be able to go back home and start walking again. I figured I'd see you out on the riding lawnmower cutting your grass or working on your farm, even being as old as you were ... 87 years old. But you told me on Momma's birthday that you knew that it was your time to go. You knew that you would only live until you were 87. After I fed you dinner that evening, I tried not to let you see me watching you cry. It was so painful to see your tears because you looked so afraid. I had never known you to be fearful of anything or anyone. I figured you wouldn't make it through the night, but you did. You made it through another 2 weeks until it was time for me to drive down to see you. Then you left just before I could get to you.

I want you to know that I miss you and I love you. I don't think I ever told you this enough when you were here. It wasn't something our family said to one another.

I am reminded of you when I hear "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion, the song Susan sang at your funeral or I when I eat vanilla ice cream, or when Mikayla drags out your shirts. I feel like you're still here with me. I dream about you often and I hope that you're at peace with yourself and the world. Momma misses you too. She cries for you still.

Leonard, Susan, and I have remodeled your house. We hope you like it and will keep it safe. We are trying to buy a tombstone for your grave, but we can't all agree on one style. You'll be pleased to know that the military put a marker on your grave honoring you for serving in the U.S. Army. Momma and I came to see you at the cemetery. We put flowers on your grave and couldn't help but cry because we miss you terribly, but we know that you are in a better place.

I wish you could be here to walk me down the aisle when Michael and I have our big wedding. I know that you were looking forward to the big day. I know though that you will be there with me in spirit on that big day and in your memory and in Alvin's memory, I will light candles for you both. May you know peace and happiness wherever you may be.

I love you always and you will forever hold a special place in my heart. I'll see you in my dreams, Daddy!

Your daughter, Shirley -Em Gem

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