I Miss My Dad
I wrote this letter to my dad in October of 2001, he passed away from cancer in February 2002.

Dad, I never thought the day would come that I would actually have to say all of this to you. I want to say all the feelings that have been going through me face to face, but I think I would spend more time crying then telling you how I feel.

Dad, you've been the strenght and support in my life for 28 years and I don't know how I'm going to live my life without you here. I just hate syaing stuff like this. I don't like how it sounds so final and it kills me inside. Like Great grandma used to say "Never say goodbye, always say I'll see you later". God dad, I'm going to miss you so much.

I question God and how he can take my dad away from me, my sons "papa" away from him. Was I lucky that you got to see your only daughters first child? or am I, or is Kadon unlucky not to grow up with his papa around? BOTH...DEFINATELY BOTH. They must really need a special angel to take you away from us. You've been a wonderful husband, father, son and grandpa. Someone beyond special.

I've got to be honest and say that I dont' think I will be able to handle the final days, but remember ~ you've raised strong children and a strong daughter and I promise that Kadon will grow up to be a gentleman like his papa and will know you like you had never left.

You know, ever since we found out about the cancer and how serious it is, everynight Kadon and I listen to his lullabye tape and one of the songs is "somewhere over the rainbow". I cry everytime. You will be somewhere over the rainbow dad and kadon and I will be looking for you everytime we see one.

Oh dad. I hate all this. I hate seeing you in so much pain and so unhappy. I know the "happy-go-lucky guy" is still there somewhere and I miss him so much. And I know you try your hardest to stay happy, but I also know how much you're hurting inside. I wish I could take all your pain away you know I would take it away in a heartbeat if I could.

I don't want to upset you by saying all these things to you. I questioned myself over and over again ~ If I don't say anything, will he think I don't care? If I do say how I feel will I hurt him? But I love you dad...so very very much and I needed to let you know how much I care about you.

When I need to talk, I know you'll still be here and I know you'll still here me.

I love you dad with all my heart and soul. I love you!

I don't ever want to say goodbye ~ so I'll say I'll see you later dad.

And when th time comes that you need to go on, promise me that you will meet me in my dreams.

I love you dad,

Love Tammy

I miss you so much dad....it has been a year and a half and I still cry for you. You were my best friend. I could always talk to you, you would always listen. Daddy's girl....that was me. Do you hear Kadon talk to you when we pass by everyday? he says "hi papa, love you papa, miss you papa, bye papa". He knows where you are. I remember when I was pregnant, all the plans you had with your grandson....I so wish you could've done those things. We see dragonflies all the time now........is that you?? I miss you so much dad.....I could type forever. I want you back so bad. Your voice is on moms answering machine still, like you're still there. I've gotten married, Mike and Kevin walked me down the ilse...it should've been you and Donnie and I are so sorry we didn't get married sooner. I'm so sorry. We bought Kevin's house and Kevin bought your house, so mom can always go back there. Dad, in my letter, I asked you to meet me in my dreams.....you used to, but you haven't for a very long time. Please come and visit me. I miss you terribly. I love you dad.....and I can't wait to see you again.

Love, Tammy (and Kadon) -Em Gem
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