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I Miss My Dad

I lost my dad 2 1/2 years ago I am 28 years old but I feel like a small girl. My Dad was on vacation and had a tragic jet ski accident, my dad and my step mom both drown. I was to be married in four months, at their house before they died. When my dad and I went through my wedding plans all he said he wanted was to walk me down the isle, to give his "brown eyes" away. He did not get to. I am married now. We had a huge wedding not because I wanted to so much for me, but because I wanted the biggest, brightest, most colorful isle ever to celebrate him. That was a very hard day for me. This is what I would like to tell my dad. Dad, I feel my heart not being able to heal. I am in and out of denial, I suffer from anxiety, fear of more people suddenly leaving me, but I do not blame you. I know you did not want to leave. It scares me how long your fight was in the water, knowing you it was not an easy surrender. I know your thoughts were with all of us kids. I could feel you that day, 15 mins. before brother called me I just sat down and started to cry. When brother phoned I had to tell him I needed a minute before I could hear the news. I already knew in my heart that it was you. You understand the business burden you have left us, I wish you would not of ignored the possibility of your death, but I also understand your reason why. I forgive you for your weakness (you understand), I know you are in a quiet pure place were you can now forgive yourself with no more shame. All that I have learned form you has strengthen me. I know you can see us, and I know you are proud of our family strength which was taught by you. Every day you are missed, and you know that if I am not strong enough to feel you some days it is because I am saving my strength for the next. I wish you could be with me. I WISH YOU COULD BE WITH ME.I miss being daddy's little girl. I miss being loved the way you loved me. You always helped me fix everything, and I am having a hard time doing life with out your guidance. As you know my husband has the love and strength to pick me up and keep me moving. I am thankful you were able to know him, He is the right man for me. Thank you for all the beautiful dreams, were I can see your face and your eyes full with spirit. They are the best sleep I have ever have. I close my eyes and long to hear your voice so visit me soon, I need you. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. Your are my angel. I love you!! Your Brown Eyes.

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