I Miss My Dad
Dear Dad Jerry Jager (Larry), It's now been almost 5 months since you left me and the rest behind. Most people would call it selfish to say that you left us behind but thats how I feel. You were the most important and inspirational person in my life. I looked up to you like you were the biggest and strongest man alive which might have been because you were a bodybuilder that weighed 250lbs but most kids leave that behind them when there 7 and I am now 16 and still belived it until the day you died. As i write this letter to you I have so many emotions that want to come out at once I feel like im going to burst just writing you this letter. I do know that September 9th 2003 was the worst day of my past and probably my future. I can still remember walking to get picked up after football and seeing the worry on moms face. We knew nothing just that you had been involved in a accident. We waited probably an hour until and i can still hear the womens voice tell mom over the phone "he passed away" I was so overwhelmed my heart was torn into pieces and still is and always will be I thought you were invincible you were only 5'10 250lbs 8% body fat ive seen you beat the shit out of people you were MY DAD. Everybody was crushed that knew you I mean people that didn't know you cried for your death. Mom hasn't been the same since its like shes out of it and in a diff. world or something. When i first found out you died and still now i feel angry that you left me behind. You died just two days before my first game of my sophmore year wich im sure your well aware of and im sure you also know that i scored the first touchdown of of the season on the very first play of the game. I can remember laying up the night before that asking for just that and i got it. When i got off the field Coach grabbed me and gave me a hugg and we just cryed together and I was so certain that you were with me at that point but now I have to admit i feel an uncertainty. A massive heart attack at 43 years old who would have ever though. I feel like Im nothing without you. Im so thankful that the last year of your life we were prob. more close than ever going to the gym everyday and all I mean i spent almost every min of my free time with you except on sundays its like everything fell into place before you died. I remember saying goodbye to you after my scrimmage for the last time on that friday night for some reason we found it hard to say i love you as i got older I remeber going into the house thinking how rediculous it was for me to feel embarrassed to tell you that i loved you becuase I did So.......... very much but i remember your way was saying alright later all fast so it would sound like i love you hahaha. I feel like I will be less a man now that i don't have you to look up to. Dad I miss you so much, everyone does. It's so rediculous to wish you back cause it will never happen but I would do anything. I would do anything just for another second with you, not 30 seconds goes by where i don't think of you and how hard it is without you. I wish you could watch me play one more time. I wish we could have one more workout together. I wish I knew for sure where you were. I wish i could just share one more hugg with you the way you used to hugg me goodbye when i would go back with mom for the weekend and that you were only gone for a weekend or you on a buisness trip and will come back any day and everything will be ok. I wish you could see Murriahs baby your first grandchild when he will be born in a couple of months. I wish just one more father son conversation. I wish I could hear your voice and touch your face. Most of all I just wish that i could say I love you and Goodbye just one last time I miss you so much dad and am in so much pain without you I can't wait until the day we will be together again. Love Seth(your only son)
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