I Miss My Dad



Oh God Daddy, I miss you. We're not doing too well here without you. I'm going through so much right now and your face keeps popping up in my head. I want to curl up next to you in your sick bed and hold you tight. I want to crawl right into your heart and rest there. I want you to make things better. Did you hear me when you were in your coma? Could you see me crying and begging you to wake up? Begging you with every ounce of strength I had in me?? It's okay. God wanted you and Grandma wanted you and Uncle Kenny wanted you. I'll go my whole life never loving a man the way I love you. You are the ultimate. I fear no pain. After your death, I realized that nothing can be more painful than that. Since I survived it, I know I can survive anything. It doesn't numb my pain of missing you, but it does get me through my other problems. I love you daddy. It helps to know those were the last words I said to you when we talked on the phone. I wish I treated you better when you were here. I wish I knew what I would feel like when you were gone. I wish I spent more time with you. I wish I had you over more. I wish I would have gone to 7-11 for you without bitching about it. I wish I were in heaven with you. I wish you could hold me.

 

I wish I could stop crying.


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