I Miss My Dad
Hey
Dad,
Well, it's
been 14 years since I last saw you, and I'm about to graduate college
- pretty
excited, but really scared, honestly, about the real world. Probably I'll go to grad school for graphic
design in a year or so (I need a bit of a break to save some money after 6
years in undergrad - transferring kinda prolonged the experience).
It totally
sucks ass you aren't here to move me into my first place, see me graduate, come
to my BFA show.
Nobody else
in the family will talk about you with me.
I miss you. I wish I could have
known you when I was older, all my little kid memories of you are so random and
fleeting and deteriorating. When the
memories go, where will you be?
I wish you could sit down next to me and
explain this all to me - tell me you're proud of me?
It sucks,
the memories I like degrade, while the bad stuff is burned into my eyes.
Why did you
die when I was little? The older I get,
the more I notice, and you die again and again, over and over ever time I
realize what things we're missing out on nobody gets that they tell me to be
strong, it happened a long time ago, but you're not here for all these new
things and nobody else that knew you will talk to me about you i almost feel
like i made the whole thing up.
I'm going
to the ballet tomorrow. I thought if I
made plans for something positive, October wouldn't be so hard. It's funny that the month with Halloween
makes me have anxiety attacks about death.
Bleh. It would be easier if I
wasn't treated like the memory pariah of the family.
Well, I
think I'm going to have some kind of a chocolate snack and space out to the tv.
I love you,
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