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I Miss My Dad

Dad, I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am that in your last days I was not by your side constantly. I love you so much and five years without you and I still cry daily. We lived through some very tough times and my temper was so short with you. You always sacrificed and did without to make me happy, to keep me from suffering. I now realize that when you were alive I had everything. What I would not give to go back and share a pot of tuna noodles or a cheap store bought pizza with you. How I miss the laughing and joking. How I miss your woodworks, paintings, carvings. How I miss your stories. I live in Georgia now, less than 70 miles from Cartersville where we once lived, It’s November and Christmas is around the corner. I remember that Christmas in Cartersville. We were broke and scared but you made it wonderful anyway. I sometimes lay at night remembering the story you wrote me for Christmas about the Sign Maker. I can see you laying on that mattress in the living room where it was warm with little ‘Feely’ the cat lying on your hip while the all night radio station played in the background and the gas stove sputtered and barely kept us warm. I would trade anything on earth to go back to those hard times. I would never fuss at you or pout because times were tough. I would be overjoyed in everyday I could spend time with you. You were the most amazing person I have ever met. Your gentle heart, and your quiet wisdom made everyone that knew you love you. Yet you died practically alone. I was changing dad, when you died. I guess I had a taste of what most people experience when they are much younger and I went crazy. I did not believe that you would die from your illness. I treated you instead like it was an inconvenience for me. I can not tell you how much it haunts me that you may have felt that I had turned from you. Since I was a little kid I worshipped you. I was distracted at the worst possible moment and I can never see you to hug you again, to pat you on the shoulder like you patted me and say’ hey, how you doing bud ? it’s going to work out ok’, don’t worry so.’. I miss you so much Dad. I love you so much.

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