I Miss My Dad


I can’t believe I found your website! I lost my dad in September and I am still sick. Everyone says to give myself time, but it isn’t any better. I try every day to act “normal” and all I want is my dad!! I miss him so much I can’t stand it. I read some of your emails and know that others feel this way too and it does help. I want to be with him. I can’t imagine how my mom feels. Tomorrow is thanksgiving and I know I have a lot to be thankful for but all I want to do is cry and stay in bed all day. Why celebrate when he is not here, what is there to celebrate???? My husband just thinks I’m crabby and mean. I don’t think he gets it. You don’t get it until it is you, when you have the loss. I’m sooo lonely for him, for his smile and his hug, his voice…I heard his voice the other day on his cell phone message and I almost wrecked my car, I thought I would be sick. I wasn’t expecting it!! I know that he would want me to go on and be happy, but I’m not. I’m terribly sad and depressed!!! I don’t want to go anywhere or talk to anyone. If I didn’t have to go to work, I don’t think I would leave the house. Are you okay? did it hurt Daddy? Were you scared? Are you mad at me for removing the vent? I did what I thought I should do, but now, I wish I hadn’t…I want you back, even if it’s in a coma just laying there.. you sighed when the tube was removed and I thought that was a good sign but now I’m not sure. I keep seeing your hands, so big and strong. I want to smell you again and see you. I want to cut your hair. I miss talking you about everything, work, the kids, and life in general. You were so good to me. Always honest and smart. You enjoyed life and people so much how am I going to get through the holidays and Christmas? I don’t want to. I want to skip all of it. Just pass over it like it doesn’t exist.. you loved Christmas. You were always so thoughtful with buying gifts and you enjoyed it so much. I just baked your cherry-berry pie. I made it for you even though you aren’t here. I know that was your favorite. Let me know that you are okay. That you are safe and happy. I want to know if it hurt. Were you scared? Do you know I love you? I do. So much! You were always so good to me and my kids. And tony too. I know that you worried about us, but don’t we are fine. I miss you and I love you. Let me know that you are okay..
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