I just read all of the emails that you have received. I lost my first born and only son August 18, 1996. Death in any case is very hard to deal with. It has been five years and I still have trouble sleeping, and have many bad days. He was shot along with two of his friends as they walked to their car. A senseless thing to happen. He was 27 years old, still a baby in my eyes, even though he stood 6'4". I am very happy that he had a son and I know that he misses his dad very much. He was two week shy of his third birthday, but has vivid recollection of his father. I agree with what a few said about talking about your loss, it does the heart good to hear stories and memories. Many of my sons friends told us many funny and interesting stories. He had a lot of good times with his friends and they were very important to him, as they told me he was to them. I feel him with me and know that he is around us. Michael I miss you and wish that I could have made it to the emergency room before they took you to surgery, so that I could have seen you one last time. I still relive the walk down the hall to the waiting room where all the family and friends were. I knew you were gone before we arrived there, but was hoping that I was wrong. I felt your presence in the truck on the way to the hospital. But was still shocked when I looked at one of your aunts as she shook her head no. I can still see you lying there when we finally got to see you, you looked so peaceful........almost like you were just sleeping. Not really being able to touch you because the police wouldn't let us. Still wondering why this happened. Wanting to shake you and make sure that you were really gone. I have a journal that I used to write in while going through the trial but quit after the person that shot my son was sentenced. I know that it helped me get through that phase of my life. I still read it every now and then. I have seen a lot of sites for people that have lost a love one, soon after my son was killed I spent a lot of time on the internet, and I have stacks of stuff that I printed out about afterlife and such. But most of the sites are no longer open. I think that you should keep this site as long as possible. Also when someone tell you to move on or you must move on I want to know why?? How do you move on and whats the purpose. I for one don't want to move on and would resent someone telling me that. I want to be able to feel how ever I want when I want. When it is time to move to the next point then I will but not because someone that has never met me thinks that is what I should do. That is why I guess we are all different, we all handle things the way that best suits us. I thank you for giving me the chance to get my thoughts in writing. God bless

I Miss My Dad

I just read all of the emails that you have received. I lost my first born and only son August 18, 1996. Death in any case is very hard to deal with. It has been five years and I still have trouble sleeping, and have many bad days.

He was shot along with two of his friends as they walked to their car. A senseless thing to happen. He was 27 years old, still a baby in my eyes, even though he stood 6'4".

I am very happy that he had a son and I know that he misses his dad very much. He was two week shy of his third birthday, but has vivid recollection of his father.

I agree with what a few said about talking about your loss, it does the heart good to hear stories and memories. Many of my sons friends told us many funny and interesting stories. He had a lot of good times with his friends and they were very important to him, as they told me he was to them.

I feel him with me and know that he is around us. Michael I miss you and wish that I could have made it to the emergency room before they took you to surgery, so that I could have seen you one last time. I still relive the walk down the hall to the waiting room where all the family and friends were. I knew you were gone before we arrived there, but was hoping that I was wrong. I felt your presence in the truck on the way to the hospital. But was still shocked when I looked at one of your aunts as she shook her head no. I can still see you lying there when we finally got to see you, you looked so peaceful........almost like you were just sleeping. Not really being able to touch you because the police wouldn't let us. Still wondering why this happened. Wanting to shake you and make sure that you were really gone.

I have a journal that I used to write in while going through the trial but quit after the person that shot my son was sentenced. I know that it helped me get through that phase of my life. I still read it every now and then.

I have seen a lot of sites for people that have lost a love one, soon after my son was killed I spent a lot of time on the internet, and I have stacks of stuff that I printed out about afterlife and such. But most of the sites are no longer open. I think that you should keep this site as long as possible.

Also when someone tell you to move on or you must move on I want to know why?? How do you move on and whats the purpose. I for one don't want to move on and would resent someone telling me that. I want to be able to feel how ever I want when I want. When it is time to move to the next point then I will but not because someone that has never met me thinks that is what I should do. That is why I guess we are all different, we all handle things the way that best suits us.

I thank you for giving me the chance to get my thoughts in writing.

God bless

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